Therapy for Couples
Relationships change as life changes. Sometimes the relationship itself is the source of the tension. Other times, something happening outside of the relationship is putting pressure on both partners. Infertility, pregnancy, postpartum, demanding careers, trauma, shift work, and major life transitions can all change how a couple communicates, connects, and supports one another.
Couples therapy can provide a space to understand what is happening between you without turning the session into a debate about who is right.
My approach is informed by the Gottman Method, attachment-based therapy, and trauma-informed care. The goal is not to decide who is at fault. It is to understand the patterns you have developed together and create more effective ways of relating.
Why Couples Need Good Therapy
Most couples do not come to therapy because they have one problem. They come because they keep having the same problem. The argument may be about money, sex, parenting, communication, household responsibilities, or something that happened years ago. Underneath it, there is often a familiar cycle that neither person knows how to get out of.
One person pushes for connection while the other pulls away. One becomes critical while the other becomes defensive. One partner feels unheard and keeps trying to explain, while the other feels overwhelmed and shuts down. Over time, couples can start fighting about the pattern itself rather than the issue that started it.
Good couples therapy helps you understand that cycle and gives you somewhere to slow it down. We can work on communication and conflict while also looking at the attachment needs, experiences, and protective responses underneath them.
The goal is not to teach you how to never argue. It is to help you handle difficult things differently when they inevitably come up.
What Type of Therapy Works Best?
There is no single formula for a healthy relationship, and couples therapy should not be about forcing your relationship into one.
My work is informed by the Gottman Method, which looks closely at the patterns that influence relationship satisfaction, including communication, conflict, friendship, emotional connection, trust, and how couples respond to one another's needs.
I also incorporate attachment-based and trauma-informed perspectives. This is important because the argument you are having in the present can sometimes be connected to much older fears or protective patterns.
We may work on practical communication skills, managing conflict, repairing after arguments, rebuilding connection, and creating more effective ways of expressing needs.
We may also slow things down enough to understand what is happening underneath the argument. What looks like anger may be hurt. What looks like withdrawal may be overwhelm. What looks like criticism may be a repeated attempt to feel heard. Understanding this does not mean excusing hurtful behavior. It gives us more information about what needs to change.
Couples Facing Infertility, Pregnancy, & Postpartum
Trying to have a baby, becoming pregnant, experiencing pregnancy loss, or bringing a baby home can change a relationship in ways that are difficult to anticipate.
Infertility can turn something that was supposed to feel intimate into appointments, schedules, procedures, financial decisions, and waiting for results. Partners may cope very differently. One may want to talk about everything while the other wants to keep moving. Both people can be hurting without knowing how to support each other.
Pregnancy and postpartum bring their own changes. Sleep deprivation, shifting responsibilities, changes in intimacy, physical recovery, identity changes, and the demands of caring for a baby can leave very little room for the relationship.
You may love your baby and still miss your relationship before becoming parents. You may be having the same argument about who is doing more, who is getting enough sleep, or why your partner does not seem to understand what you need.
These transitions do not necessarily mean something is wrong with your relationship. They mean your relationship is adapting to something significant. Couples therapy can help you stay connected while you navigate it.
Couples Where One or Both Partners Are First Responders
First responder relationships come with circumstances that many couples therapists may not fully understand.
Shift work, overtime, nights, holidays, unpredictable schedules, exposure to trauma, and the culture of the profession can all affect a relationship. One partner may come home from a difficult shift and need space, while the other has spent the day waiting for them and wants connection.
There can also be things that are difficult to bring home from work.
A first responder may become more withdrawn, irritable, emotionally shut down, or hypervigilant without realizing how much their partner is experiencing alongside them. The partner may feel shut out or left to manage the household alone. Both people can end up feeling misunderstood.
Couples therapy can provide a place to talk about those dynamics without treating either partner as the problem.
I work with couples to understand how the demands of the job are affecting the relationship and how the relationship can become a source of support rather than another place where stress gets carried.
Why I Work Well With Couples
I am not interested in taking sides. Both people should have space to be understood, while also being held accountable for how they contribute to the relationship. I approach couples therapy with curiosity about the relationship you have created together and the patterns that keep you stuck. We will look at what happens when conflict starts, how each of you responds, and what tends to happen afterward.
I pay attention to what is happening in the body. Conflict is not just a conversation between two people. Our nervous systems are involved too. When one person becomes overwhelmed, defensive, activated, or shuts down, it becomes much harder to hear what the other person is actually saying.
Learning to recognize those responses can give couples another opportunity to interrupt the cycle before it takes over. My goal is not to help you become a couple that never struggles. It is to help you understand each other better, repair more effectively, communicate more honestly, and have a relationship that can adapt when life gets difficult.
You don't have to wait until your relationship is falling apart. Couples therapy can be useful when you are in crisis, but it can also be a way to strengthen your relationship before resentment has built up. Whether you are navigating infertility, pregnancy, postpartum life, the demands of being a first responder family, or simply feeling disconnected from one another, there is a place to start..